Today I received a call from the director of the drama camp that Savage and Diva attend. Asking me if I could have them both be a little less......ahh.......how do I put this ......ahhhhhh.....DRAMATIC...!!!!
Apparently Savage is "emotional"......"larger than life" ......"can cry at a moments notice about anything"......."bursts out in song all the time".....
Duh .....lady ....Why do you think I ponied up the cash to send him to theater camp ?????
Pretty much Savage is a 9 year old Nathan Lane ....only they are not casting The Producers .....they just need him to shut up , stand in the corner and be a lizard.
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Friday, July 1, 2011
Jacket Update
Looks like I don't have to wait till September to find my missing Marc Jacobs jacket.......
- Diva- it doesnt matter. see ya next year♥Tuesday at 5:48pm ·
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Summer Camp
Summer is here ....which can only mean one thing in this neighborhood ....CAMP ...
Since there are no camps for future felons and the Al Queda under 14 program was filled I needed to take into account Savage and Diva's hidden talents. Since are able annoy people non stop with their singing ....THEATER CAMP....right up there alley. Let them shriek ...I mean sing...... all day for people that get paid the big buck to listen that crap.
Theater camp in this neighborhood cost about as much as a chief's palace in a small Somalian village. After ebaying a kidney they have spent the first 3 days having water balloon fights in the local park ...
Money well spent .....
WTF!!!!!
Since there are no camps for future felons and the Al Queda under 14 program was filled I needed to take into account Savage and Diva's hidden talents. Since are able annoy people non stop with their singing ....THEATER CAMP....right up there alley. Let them shriek ...I mean sing...... all day for people that get paid the big buck to listen that crap.
Theater camp in this neighborhood cost about as much as a chief's palace in a small Somalian village. After ebaying a kidney they have spent the first 3 days having water balloon fights in the local park ...
Money well spent .....
WTF!!!!!
Monday, June 27, 2011
Good News/ Bad News
Good News -
Savage woke up early this morning and got ready for school ..............he didn't need me to perform a Navy Seal intervention.
Bad News-
With the spare morning time he already has multiple screens going ....Call of Duty -Black Ops on DS and all of season three of The Family Guy that he had downloaded off of Netflix. With his ability to focus on multiple screens I'm thinking that Savage has a definite future watching for potential shoplifters in a back room at Target. I know .....I know ....air traffic controller is also something to think about . ....but that involves reading...... and to date he really doesn't seem long term use for the skill.
Good News -
With the extra time I was able to prepare a better breakfast than the usual Cheese Wiz on dried out grapes (hey ...it's a fruit and a protein) Just FYI ..... I'm so glad the AMA recently did away with that whole food pyramid bullshit . ...It really takes the pressure off. Next thing I'm hoping that they add Camel Lights and a large Dunkin Donuts coffee to the list.
Bad News-
Our 3 year old Labrador (who I like to call Evil With a Dog Face) ate Savage's breakfast while we were partaking in the monthly ceremonial brushing of the teeth.
4 days and still no yelling .....unless you count the dog , and the douche bag on my block that was holding a parking spot with garbage cans. No worries ...the front of my truck rolled over those bad boys with no problem.
Savage woke up early this morning and got ready for school ..............he didn't need me to perform a Navy Seal intervention.
Bad News-
With the spare morning time he already has multiple screens going ....Call of Duty -Black Ops on DS and all of season three of The Family Guy that he had downloaded off of Netflix. With his ability to focus on multiple screens I'm thinking that Savage has a definite future watching for potential shoplifters in a back room at Target. I know .....I know ....air traffic controller is also something to think about . ....but that involves reading...... and to date he really doesn't seem long term use for the skill.
Good News -
With the extra time I was able to prepare a better breakfast than the usual Cheese Wiz on dried out grapes (hey ...it's a fruit and a protein) Just FYI ..... I'm so glad the AMA recently did away with that whole food pyramid bullshit . ...It really takes the pressure off. Next thing I'm hoping that they add Camel Lights and a large Dunkin Donuts coffee to the list.
Bad News-
Our 3 year old Labrador (who I like to call Evil With a Dog Face) ate Savage's breakfast while we were partaking in the monthly ceremonial brushing of the teeth.
4 days and still no yelling .....unless you count the dog , and the douche bag on my block that was holding a parking spot with garbage cans. No worries ...the front of my truck rolled over those bad boys with no problem.
Friday, June 24, 2011
Hours Later
Diva calls ....
I answer .....It's been 10 hours and I'm doing great with this whole no yelling business . Or course my kids have been in school all day ....but really just a photo of them ....or stepping on some crap toy in the middle of cleaning up can make meant to bash someones head in.
D- "Hello Mom"
Me - "Yes ...D?..."
D- "You know that jacket that's in the front closet? ....the tan one? ......the one by Marc Something ..."?
Me- Jacobs .....you mean MARC JACOBS ???!!!!!????!!!!!!!!???
D- YES !!!! That's it !!!!! Well ...I wore it to school .....I left it in Charlotte's locker by mistake ....I mean it was wet from all that chocolate I got on it ....I got most of it off in the Dunkin Donuts bathroom sink ....so it looks great ......but now it's in her locker .....but don't worry ......when the custodians clean out the lockers the first week of September it should be in there, and totally dry.....No worries ....BYE .... Oh .... and I'll be home in 15 minutes..... and I don't have my keys , so you need to let me in.
Me - (No yelling).....See you soon.
I answer .....It's been 10 hours and I'm doing great with this whole no yelling business . Or course my kids have been in school all day ....but really just a photo of them ....or stepping on some crap toy in the middle of cleaning up can make meant to bash someones head in.
D- "Hello Mom"
Me - "Yes ...D?..."
D- "You know that jacket that's in the front closet? ....the tan one? ......the one by Marc Something ..."?
Me- Jacobs .....you mean MARC JACOBS ???!!!!!????!!!!!!!!???
D- YES !!!! That's it !!!!! Well ...I wore it to school .....I left it in Charlotte's locker by mistake ....I mean it was wet from all that chocolate I got on it ....I got most of it off in the Dunkin Donuts bathroom sink ....so it looks great ......but now it's in her locker .....but don't worry ......when the custodians clean out the lockers the first week of September it should be in there, and totally dry.....No worries ....BYE .... Oh .... and I'll be home in 15 minutes..... and I don't have my keys , so you need to let me in.
Me - (No yelling).....See you soon.
No Yelling
It was suggested that I go for 365 days without yelling at my kids.
Ir wasn't a challenge......It wasn't a bet....more like a last ditch effort before took my place in the Motherhood Hall of Fame somewhere between Dina Lohan and Casey Anthony.
That unemployed chick from Boston spent the year devoting herself to preparing everything from the Julia Child cookbook and at the end came out with the book deal and roast. My goal is pretty simple.... to not take the bait that my 14 year old diva daughter and 10 year savage son are willing to dish out on moments notice.
Day 1 .....
6:12 am
Diva Daughter - "My iphone isn't charged ....you broke it when you hurled it at me the other day, and it hasn't worked since .....you need to get me a new one today ......Where's my shorts ?....You know the pair you hate because you say my ass sticks out .....I need to wear them today for the 8th grade picnic ....and ......and ....and....."
What I say...... "Good Morning"
What I want to say ..."Your iphone is shot .....youre pretty much fucked ....you threw it at me.... tell ya what ......have that scumbag father who left with all the money and the Hungarian whore buy you a new one .....and as for the shorts ...they took their rightful place in the nearest trash can where they belong...."
7:23 - 10 year old Savage has been dragged out of bed.
I say " Good morning "
Savage does not respond because he is still not talking to me from yesterday evening when he was put to bed at 7:45 for being a pain in the ass.
My goals for this year for Savage are the following ..
1) Use a fork.
2) Go to 4th grade.
3) Stop singing the same three lines of that shitty Katy Perry song Fireworks.
The no yelling with Savage was easy ....I was given a pass with him not talking to me during breakfast. He didn't answer me when I asked about what he wanted to eat for breakfast so I was able to serve any random crap that we had in the back of the refrigerator.
On the way out the door he told me the following ..." I don't want you at the 3rd grade writer celebration ...you're not allowed to come. "
What I said ...." That's a shame I was looking forward to that"
What I wanted to say ..."Thanks for the pass buddy ....because at last count I've been to about 120 of these celebrations and it's about as celebratory as a bikini wax."
6 hours and no yelling.
Ir wasn't a challenge......It wasn't a bet....more like a last ditch effort before took my place in the Motherhood Hall of Fame somewhere between Dina Lohan and Casey Anthony.
That unemployed chick from Boston spent the year devoting herself to preparing everything from the Julia Child cookbook and at the end came out with the book deal and roast. My goal is pretty simple.... to not take the bait that my 14 year old diva daughter and 10 year savage son are willing to dish out on moments notice.
Day 1 .....
6:12 am
Diva Daughter - "My iphone isn't charged ....you broke it when you hurled it at me the other day, and it hasn't worked since .....you need to get me a new one today ......Where's my shorts ?....You know the pair you hate because you say my ass sticks out .....I need to wear them today for the 8th grade picnic ....and ......and ....and....."
What I say...... "Good Morning"
What I want to say ..."Your iphone is shot .....youre pretty much fucked ....you threw it at me.... tell ya what ......have that scumbag father who left with all the money and the Hungarian whore buy you a new one .....and as for the shorts ...they took their rightful place in the nearest trash can where they belong...."
7:23 - 10 year old Savage has been dragged out of bed.
I say " Good morning "
Savage does not respond because he is still not talking to me from yesterday evening when he was put to bed at 7:45 for being a pain in the ass.
My goals for this year for Savage are the following ..
1) Use a fork.
2) Go to 4th grade.
3) Stop singing the same three lines of that shitty Katy Perry song Fireworks.
The no yelling with Savage was easy ....I was given a pass with him not talking to me during breakfast. He didn't answer me when I asked about what he wanted to eat for breakfast so I was able to serve any random crap that we had in the back of the refrigerator.
On the way out the door he told me the following ..." I don't want you at the 3rd grade writer celebration ...you're not allowed to come. "
What I said ...." That's a shame I was looking forward to that"
What I wanted to say ..."Thanks for the pass buddy ....because at last count I've been to about 120 of these celebrations and it's about as celebratory as a bikini wax."
6 hours and no yelling.
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